Between Hakeldama and Bitter Harvest
by OffMyHead
Summary: This story explores how Clarke ended up in Lexa's room, drawing her as she slept. It also shows the nightmare of Lexa. It also explores how Lexa feels about Clarke. It's a oneshot that takes place between 3x05 and 3x06.
**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE 1OO.**

Note: Since the show has yet to explore the mechanics of the Conclave, The Ascension Day, and some requirements on how to be an eligible nominee of Arkadia's Chancellor, the discussion of Clarke and Lexa of these topics here in this story, may not be parallel to how the show will explain them. In this story, those parts, I based on what we know from previous episodes and a bit of my own theories about how Chancellors and Commanders are chosen.

 **BUT THIS PARTICULAR STORY BELONGS TO ME.**

Clarke is on the balcony of her own room, surveying the busy ground below her, thinking of how different the Earth has become from the bedtime stories she's been told in the Ark. The moon is high in the sky. Not so long ago she was up there with the stars, drawing pictures of what she thought the ground looked like.

Sometimes she wonders if life would be simpler if she had stayed in her cell. If the Ark did not send a hundred of their juvenile prisoners to the ground. There is a soft knock on the door but her thoughts keep her from hearing it. Pike needs to be taken down but how can she do it without Bellamy's help? She wonders how long Lexa will entertain her, how long before the Commander will come to her senses and release her army against Arkadia. Could she once again sway the Commander of the Grounders to do as she asks for the sake of Skaikru even if that meant that the Grounders would compromise their way of life? The night is long but sleep does not come easy for Clarke, not today of all days.

She turns around as another knock, more urgent, is heard. She opens the door and finds Titus. The Commander has summoned her to her chambers.

"Commander." Clarke says. Lexa only nods.

"Good evening, Ambassador. Titus insisted on discussing the events of the day." She says, her voice cold, meaning to show how she does not want to be discussing this; that only obligations have forced her to be.

Lexa sits on the patriarch seat in the living room area. She crosses her legs and Titus looks over to her. "Well, Teacher, you came here to deliver a message. Begin." She says, raising an eyebrow at him.

"A message?" Clarke asks, turning to Titus this time but not before she sees the Commander roll her eyes.

"Jus drein jus daun has always been the way of our people." Titus says. "I am afraid that changing that will not only aggravate the people but it will inevitably put the Commander in danger. I request that we come together tonight to contemplate a compromise."

Clarke knows this argument was over before it began. Lexa had already issued the order. Jus no drein jus daun is the way to peace, even Lexa has accepted that. But Titus could be right. He sees what Lexa might be overlooking.

"I know you're trying to protect the Commander." Clarke begins, strong and steady. "But Lexa is right. I understand that your people have lost a lot at the hands of mine but jus no drein just daun is the only way to peace. The only way to make sure that the death of all those people was not in vain. If you attack Arkadia, more people will die and nothing will have been solved."

Titus closes his eyes and bows. He takes a deep breath and begins to talk again. "Heda, sis au ai, sis au yu." _Commander, help me help you._

"Ai laik Heda. Disha ste ai wai. Disha ste wai gon ai kru seintaim." _I am the Commander. This is my way. So this is the way of my people as well._ Lexa stands and Titus takes a step back. "You think I am putting myself in danger of my own people. But no one will dare take a step against my own. I am a Commander who demands respect and my people do and will continue to deliver it." She says, almost growling at him. "Clarke is right. We all want peace with Skaikru. This is the way we achieve that. Titus, you may be my teacher but I am still your Commander."

"Forgive me, Commander but I cannot let this happen." Titus says, raising his face to look Lexa in the eyes. "Twelve clans against one. This is the way of our people."

"You underestimate Arkadia." Clarke speaks up, both Lexa and Titus turn to her. "We are better as an ally than an enemy."

"Is that a threat?" Lexa whispers but her voice is loud and clear.

"No." Clarke says, meeting Lexa's eyes, "It's an opportunity. My people are your people. My weapons and my skills are yours as well."

"Heda beja," _Commander please._ Lexa raises her hand and Titus stops speaking.

"Leave us." Lexa says. "I must speak with the Ambassador alone." Titus bows and leaves quietly. When he closes the door behind him, Lexa takes a seat. She seams to be deflating in the chair. Tired of the events of the day, grieving the loss of her people and fighting the urge to start a war to avenge them. She looks up at Clarke and sees her own defeat in her blue eyes. Clarke takes a step toward her and sits in the opposite chair, waiting for her to speak up.

"Titus is just being a good teacher." She begins. "It's his job to advise me."

Clarke stays quiet, watching Lexa, how her eyes are glazed with thin layer of tears. How her palms catch her forehead when she bows and heaves a sigh.

"You don't…" Clarke starts to speak but she catches her self. Lexa lifts her face from her hands and looks at her expectantly.

"I don't what?" She asks, as she wraps her arms around herself. There is a soft evening breeze whispering between them. Clarke stands and draws the curtains to keep Lexa warm. It was much colder in the Ark, it's much warmer down here. Before going back to the chairs, Clarke continues, "You don't have to be the Commander when you're alone with me."

"I always have to be the commander." Lexa whispers but just low enough for Clarke not to hear.

"Was Titus right?" Clarke continues, she takes a seat next to Lexa. She could feel warmth almost exuding from her body. "Are you in danger of your own people because you're changing tradition?"

"My people are resilient." She says, not looking at Clarke. "They can and will endure this transition."

"Did you mean to threaten us?" Lexa says when Clarke doesn't say anything, her eyes searching Clarke's for the truth. Searching whether this Ambassador can choose her Commander over her own people.

"Just Titus." Clarke confesses and Lexa smiles.

"Titus can be persistently annoying." Lexa almost laughs. "But he is often right."

"Is he right about this?" Clarke asks.

"Titus is _often_ right. Not always." She reassures her. " _You're_ right about this Clarke. But I hope you know that this is extremely difficult for me, more than it is for my people."

"The right decisions never come easy." Clarke says, feeling the ghost of the three hundred Mountain Men now more than ever. "I never meant to make you antagonize your own people."

"I know." Lexa says.

"We _will_ take Pike down." Clarke says. "We just need time. When Kane is Chancellor, Ark—"

"I don't want Kane to be the Chancellor." Lexa says, taking Clarke's hand in hers. "You could to be the Chancellor."

"Our system doesn't work that way, Lexa." Clarke shakes her head and she can see the confusion settling in Lexa. "A Chancellor must be of majority age. For me, that's not for another five years."

"Your mother then." Lexa says, letting go of her hand.

"She was Chancellor." Clarke says, "It's not a job fit for her. Lexa, you can trust Kane."

"Do you trust him?" She asks. In the Ark, she remembers her mother talking to her father about how she'd rather have Jaha replace Diana than Kane. How she'd do everything in her power to keep Kane out of the Chancellor's seat. But today, her mother gave up the pin, reserving it for Kane, thinking that he'd win, not anticipating a power like Pike's to intercept it.

"Kane is on the right side." Clarke says.

"Then Kane it shall be." Lexa sighs, laying her head in her palms again. Clarke carefully rests her hand over her back. The warmth of Lexa's skin almost shocking her. It's a cold night. Lexa can feel Clarke's cold hand over her shoulder blade. It's comforting, as though her touch takes away some of the pressure on her. She takes a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cold air of the night.

"What is majority age?" She asks.

"For our people, it's 23 years old." She says, "There weren't many children in the Ark. We wouldn't have survived."

"So in five years, you can become the Chancellor." Lexa smiles.

"If I decide to run and if I gain majority vote." Clarke says. "How are your Commanders chosen?"

"After I die, the Conclave will take place." Lexa begins. "A fight to the death of the Nightbloods. We believe that my spirit will choose the strongest and that that Nightblood will be the last one standing. He or she will be the next Commander."

"If only Nightblood children can become Commanders, why kill them when you need them most?"

"There cannot be a trained Nightblood on the Ascension day of the new Commander. It sends a bad precedent, as though the people are challenging the spirit of the previous Commander to change its decision."

"How many were at your Conclave?" She asks, thinking about how Lexa has only been Commander for a few years and that would mean that she could have been very young when this all began. It would also mean that the spirit of the previous Commander chose well. In her young age and her short reign so far, Lexa has already united the twelve clans. Her Coalition has already changed the way Grounders live. Jus no drein jus daun will be what she will be known for.

"We were nine." She says. "I'm tired, Clarke." She whispers suddenly, not wanting to talk about her Conclave. The moon has begun to sink. In a few hours it will be sunrise and she would have to wake to train the young Nightblood.

"Reshop. Heda." _Goodnight, Commander_. She hears Clarke whisper. Beside her, Clarke begins to stand but she takes her hand again. "Kamp." _Stay._ Lexa says immediately, without thinking first.

Clarke looks down at her and raises her brows and that is when Lexa knows that she's not ready. Not ready to know that after Costia, she feared she would never love again. She feared love itself and how it could destroy her as Commander. She feared all of this and yet she couldn't stop the tidal wave that her emotions have brought her since Clarke entered her tent all those months ago.

Clarke is not ready, but Lexa has no choice but to face these feelings because if she does not, she will forget what it is to be Commander: to see things for what they truly are, and choose to either, act for them, or against them. For this, acting against love is the way she was taught to lead effectively and no matter how hard that is, she can't help but love Clarke anyway. She realizes now that Titus is wrong. Love is not weakness. If not for her love for Clarke, jus no drein jus daun would never be an option for her but it was love that made her see clearly. To see that peace does not come to people who do not choose to change. But a greater realization has taken root. She loves Clarke and she believes that Clarke loves her too.

She lets go of Clarke's hand and stands.

"Reshop, Ambassador." She says instead.

"I can stay." Clarke smiles, surprising Lexa yet again. Lexa doesn't say a word, fearing that if she let herself speak, she will say something that Clarke is not ready to hear, so instead, Lexa lays down on the couch. Knowing that Clarke is near sends her to sleep fast.

Clarke quietly roams the room, blowing out candles as she goes. The room gets darker somewhat but the sun has begun to peak through the horizon. The ground below has gone silent but soon the people will be flocking back to buy food from the morning market. In one of the tables is a pile of paper and some coal. She takes a few sheets, sits by Lexa's feet, and begins to let her hands make her memory of Lexa tangible.

In the dimly lit room, Lexa's calm face almost shines.

 _In all the months since I met her, she has never been this peaceful._ Clarke thinks to herself.

She draws the gentle slope of her nose, notes how sometimes, even in her sleep, her brows furrow. Her hair is pulled back from her ears and her shoulders slowly rise and fall with every breath she takes. All these things, Clarke pays attention to, as though in a moment she could lose her chance to remember Lexa this way. It's hardest for her to replicate the perfect way Lexa's lips curve or the way it purses as she dreams. Clarke has forgotten how freeing it is to draw beautiful things again, forgotten about how back in her cell in the Ark, drawing her dreams of the ground was her only escape.

In the field, Lexa is training her young Nightbloods. They rally in partners, practicing their skills with a long sword. Once in a while Lexa would shout commands to shift hands but for now, she watches the woods behind them. In the trees, she notices a movement. Quietly, she slips out of view of the Nightbloods. She takes two guards with her to investigate. They scout the woods and as they reach a clearing, Lexa finds dozens of them.

Her Commanders.

She turns to her guard, to look for some answers as to why their dead leaders have come to her in this field and how this is all possible but the guards have disappeared and so have the Nightbloods. She faces the commanders again and they surround her.

They vary in ages, some are old but most are young, not much older than she is now, a small handful are even younger. They circle around her, not saying a word, just staring. Lexa falls to her knees in respect and waits for their message but one by one, the Commanders begin to die. They fall to their own knees and look as though the air from their body is being sucked out of them. Others fall with more gore, nightblood spraying out of their bodies where nothing but the air has touched it. They scream and they try to stop the bleeding but they die anyway. Most of them fall and they try to rise again, they fight against the pain of their wounds but they must die. The must die because Lexa is already among them. The last Commander to fall is the one nearest to her. She watches the Commander bleed as he falls to the ground and cough out dark blood from his lips and he struggles, as though he is trying to say something. So Lexa crawls to him.

"Heda." She says, resting his head on her lap.

"Ai gonplei ste odon." He says, looking at her, "Yu gonplei ste nou odon." In an instant he is gone. She looks around her, the field is cluttered with the bodies of the Commanders she feels she has failed. She looks to her own hands and see the darkness of their blood caked under her nails and trailing down her wrists.

"Did I do this?" She whispers to the empty woods. "Did I let them die in vain?"

In the distance she hears the drums of war sounding, hear her people prepare for war as an individual commands, _"Capture the assassin!"_ She wonders then why someone else commands her army.

She wakes suddenly and struggles for breath. She finds Clarke next to her, "Hey, hey, it's okay." She hears her say, "You're okay." But Lexa could still feel the last Commander's head on her lap, dying as he warned her that her fight is not yet over. It dawns on her that the one who cried for the capture of an assassin would not be followed if he weren't the Commander. But how can there be another Commander other than her? Was she also dying in the woods?

"The Commanders before me." She says in between breaths, "They speak to me in my sleep. I saw their deaths. A war. At the hands of an assassin."

"It was just a dream." Clarke replies.

"No." Lexa says. "No it's a warning. They think I'm betraying their legacy. Jus drein jus daun has always, always been the way of our people."

"Listen to me." Clarke says, and Lexa makes herself look at her. "A ceasefire is not a betrayal. What you did in that battlefield stopped a war. Your legacy will be peace." Lexa examines her. Should she trust Skaikru even when her own Commanders have sent her a warning? Has she made a grave mistake?

She stands to help herself breathe. In Clarke's seat she finds a picture. She picks it up and finds her own sleeping face drawn in with coal. Clarke is by her side, embarrassed, "That's not finished." She says. Lexa looks back at her, wondering how she could permanently capture the moment when the Commanders spoke with her, warning her of this new way of life: jus no drein jus daun.

A knock interrupts them and Lexa sighs.

"Enter." She says, and here is Titus again with more trouble.


End file.
